Casa Seabold

Lessons from the grocery store

2012-01-21T14:10:00.000-06:00

A friend recently e-mailed me and said, 'No blogging?'. No. No blogging. Also, no cleaning, no laundry done, no groceries, no time for fun, no, no, no. Too much sickness, work, and general winter blues.

But things have shaken loose as they always do. I just forget that sometimes.

Two years have passed since bringing our daughter to our home. It is good to have this much time to look back on and realize the growing we have all done. And then sometimes I forget how much her life has changed as I go about my daily business of the to-dos of my life.

Nick, Yammi and I were looking at yogurt in the grocery store aisle. Nick, in his usual way of talking before thinking, was blithely telling Yammi, "Aren't you so lucky you get to have this mom?" (or something to that effect that would have maybe made me feel good if I hadn't almost had a panic attack looking over at Yammi waiting to see her reaction).

She was casually hanging over the cart handle and said very matter-of-fact, "You know, Nick, I didn't want to leave my mom in Ethiopia." And just like that, my panic was gone. That's my girl. She took it head on and with no guilt in saying it.

I was so happy she said it. That she could articulate her feelings quickly and with no worries about my reaction. I simply said, 'Of course you didnt' want to leave her. We love your mommy in Ethiopia." Later that night while tucking her in, I reminded her again to never be scared to talk about her mommy in Ethiopia. She shook her head and hugged me tight. It is still hard.

She skipped down the aisle and asked for some prosciutto in her lunch tomorrow.

The toughest girl I know loves her expensive Italian meats. She fits us like a glove.

The Adventure Project

2011-12-16T10:48:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite projects to tell people to donate to this season! A STOVE! What a difference it makes. A quick $20 via paypal.

http://theadventureproject.org/splash/

Contentment revisited

2011-11-18T09:27:00.001-06:00

A friend in real life and in the blogging world recently asked for essays on contentment. I thought long and hard about it because I felt that I just. don’t. know. anymore.

When I wrote this short piece and after I sent it off I will share that my car had been smashed by a teen-age girl, a dear friend had a double mastectomy, I was suffering greatly from sciatica, my daughter’s appointment with the endocrinologist was looming. Since those two weeks, Nicholas chipped a front permanent tooth jumping into a hot tub only to be followed by Harris knocking out Nick’s baby tooth next to it with a PVC pipe in some kind of night time ninja battle in our back yard. There was a lot of blood and a mashed up mouth and gum tissue damage - two emergency visits in one week to our wonderful dentist. (side note – in the middle of all the chaos Yammi leaned up on the counter on the kitchen and blithely asked what was for dinner. Seriously.) Our November calendar is one long medical/insurance journal.

This week I discovered I may be lactose intolerant (shout out to my lactose intolerant veteran SIS!!!) and found out my cholesterol and triglycerides are sky high.

But there was one moment buried in those foggy days that I shared in my essay where everything kind of came to a point. I remembered this too shall pass and .....

......I put on my apron.

I will jump to the end of my story first.

I think I found it.

I was going through the fluid motion of grabbing my apron out of the pantry, snapping it straight once, and tying it around my waist. I have done this a hundred times. A thousand times.

It is the same process,

the same motion,

the same feeling.

I am preparing for my family.

I am home.

I am safe.

I think I finally learned that this is my contentment.

I long ago thought it was finding a boyfriend. I then thought it was getting the best grades in college. I then moved on to thinking I would be content finding a job – ANY job. Marriage was finally where I was content. The love of my life by my side. Wait, no – my baby boy brought the sweetest version of contentment. Only to be moved aside by baby boy number two. Jobs lost, jobs found, life, death. Contentment assuredly rested upon each new trial in life being solved. Then I was sure our new daughter was the best contentment of all.

But when asked to think through it, I had to re-think it. And when I found myself in the kitchen, as I so often am, it hit me that I think I finally gave up on reaching the next ‘greatest’ level of contentment.

Contentment is where you find it. I am keeping it in my pantry on that very front hook.

Protecting my children - thoughts on the Sandusky report

2011-11-11T10:34:00.001-06:00

I recently read the Grand Jury reports regarding Jerry Sandusky. Just as in reading recent and old Grand Jury reports involving catholic priests and the hiding of abuse by bishops and the pope, I wanted to vomit. Then I wonder about organizations full of men. Male dependent and male dominated. The world of football and coaching is as narcissistic and nepotistic as much as the clerical system of the catholic priesthood. There are many valid reasons to questions the maturity level of both these systems.

So why do I read them? Because I want to find out how to protect my children. How do these sick people approach our children? How do they gather them into these situations? Why can't I trust those in authority to do the right thing? Why don’t children tell anyone?

These are crimes of power. The sexual abuse of children is always about power. Not sex, not sexual orientation, but power. I am disgusted by what I have learned, but feel somewhat empowered by it as well. I feel that when I talk my children I can share with them how they may be approached, how ‘nice’ the perpetrator may look, what they can do, that we will always believe them.

I do not think that reading these reports is for everyone. I had tears when I read this one. I have a 10 year old boy. It is hard not to put your child in the picture. But I encourage you to read them. Not only can you find out a pattern of similar behaviors to share with your children (in an age appropriate way of course), but you will see how children of abuse react, things you can watch for should this horror ever visit your home.

I have read several of these over the years and what I have come to learn is that I hold as much hatred and vitriol for those who do not report (I do think hate is appropriate here) as for the attacker. I do not know how anyone who reads these accounts can turn their back. If you read even just one, could you just tell your ‘boss’? Could you just sit there and let it continue? It is horror distilled to its most primal.

Once I digest this, I hope to be able to share something of what I have learned from the report with my children. And in doing so, it is the only way to see something – anything – good come out of these events.

Visit to Endocrinologist - Check

2011-11-10T11:03:00.004-06:00

UPDATE: Doctor just called with test results. Levels are low, but definitely in a pre-puberty level. Thyroid is good. We agree to give this some time as we don't see alarming numbers yet and check again. She says in four months, I say in three. She is fine with that so a recheck will be done in February.

As always, please feel free to let me know if anyone wants to share or has questions. rmseabold@gmail.com

I exhale.
__________________________________________________________

We had an excellent visit with a wonderful doctor yesterday regarding precocious puberty. We are on the same page and our goals for my daughter match right up. Blood was taken (no tears at all) and we await results on hormone levels and thyroid. Then we decide next steps - do we proceed with medication or monitor the levels. I am anxious to get a baseline.

Mark and I have a main goal - she deserves her childhood preserved as long as possible. Everything else seems secondary; I am fierce about this and doctor agrees.

Also - when did all the doctors become younger than me?

Party Rock

2011-11-08T14:09:00.003-06:00

Have you ever had a dance party in your living rooom with your sister, your niece, your kids, and your husband (teen-ager included)?

It looked and felt like this:

I highly recommend it.

So my whole point was to document stuff

2011-11-01T21:14:00.009-05:00

and stuff keeps getting in the way. I want to keep up here. I can't keep up here. I have no other medium to keep track of the little things.

Here are some little things:

We stumbled upon this vintage outfit from a dear friend. Yammi was introduced to the story of Little Red Riding Hood and we avoided another princess costume in the house.

These red leaves took my breath away on a walk the other day. Beauty abounds this time of year. I think I forgot to look and when I did, I was overwhelmed.

Nick, ever conducting science experiments all over the house, finished one up on the front porch. I don't know what this one was all about, but when he was done, I left the house for work the next morning and was greeted to this. I let it sit there a few more days.

Adopting and 'saving' - get real

2011-10-19T12:30:00.010-05:00

I had an encounter with an acquaintance who wants to adopt. 'God calls us to adopt', she said (if I had a dime.....) I told her that she better be sure that her family wants to adopt, and leave god out of it for now. My reasons are many but she was not interested in discussing further. I hope she learns this lesson prior to adopting.

Then I read this awesome blog post.

http://afamilywithoutborders.blogspot.com/2011/10/hana.html

She nails it.

Kind of learning to let go. Sort of.

2011-09-19T11:37:00.002-05:00

In the process of worrying about my children a lot, I am finding that I don’t like the level of fear I may be instilling in them as well. So this is what I let Nick do.

I give myself a great big pat on the back for this. I also let him play tackle football. I can really only watch through my fingers.

He also plays the cello. More my speed. Not so much his.

He wants to be a ‘free runner’. I can tell from the foot marks running up various walls in my home.

I struggle with those subtle lessons so often. Not letting him do things he loves now will eventually make him overdo it once he is free from my fears and out of the house. I want him to free run. I want to free run. I will let him free run and go up in a helicopter and play football and climb trees that should not be climbed.

And when he still asks me to tuck him in at night, I do it. He burrows in with his two favorite blankets and tells me he loves me with no hesitation. I know he is on the cusp of not asking me to do this for much longer. So I hold him tight when I lean in for the last hug of the day and smell his head and run my fingers through that long hair of his. That is why it is hard to let go. But I am getting better at it.

You people are good

2011-09-07T09:28:00.002-05:00

I am humbled by the number of e-mails I received from so many willing to share their stories and help. From the very bottom of my heart - thank you.

An x-ray of her wrist shows her 18 months ahead in bone age. I went into the pediatrician's office ready to do battle, but did not need to. Our doctor had already set up an appointment for early November with the endocrinologist. Her physical showed no other signs of puberty other than very early chest development (using code here so no perverts show up from searches).

I am grateful beyond measure and feel some small sense of relief that we are moving ahead. I am also thankful that all my worrying and reading and fretting and gathering research articles and worrying some more has paid off in some way. We caught this early because we knew to look for it. We caught this early because so many others have walked this path of international adoption and shared their stories and findings.

I hope our walk helps someone else.

Precocious Puberty - seeking others with experience

2011-08-31T08:39:00.001-05:00

We may be facing a diagnosis of early onset puberty for our daughter (precocious puberty). Is anyone willing so share their journey if they have been through this. I am reading and gathering all the information I can while we wade through tests, but I want real world experiences.

I am scared for my daughter – her childhood was already taken from her once. We will do everything we can to not let it be taken from her again.

These things made me smile this week

2011-08-26T11:08:00.007-05:00

One bright yellow leaf floated down in front of me as I walked into work today. And these are things that are making me smile.

Harris turns 14 next week. Mark is 6'1". How tall is Harris?

Our new kitty from the animal shelter, Tigi. If Yammi doesn't pull her head off at some point, this cat is a keeper.

Some of my favorite girls on the beach this summer.

And be still my heart. I got these $195 shoes for $40. My universe is complete.

A beautiful, terrible heat

2011-08-19T13:55:00.006-05:00

Cutting and pitting as many cherries as I am eating, I look out my kitchen windows right in front of me and feel the August heat - dry and intense - come through in small puffs. I can see and feel all my wildflowers drying, giving off the end of summer smell. I know this smell. Cicadas at full scream. A few leaves fall here and there - change is surely coming.

And I am thankful for that heat. A butterfly lands on a purple cornflower. Rises up and flies away. Our new kitty plays at my feet. I eat more cherries. I get to walk and pick up two of my children in an hour from school. They will be happy and sweaty and we will pick up acorns on our way home. And we will eat the cherry lime muffins I have cooked up today in the shade of our backyard.

All this while knowing another kind of heat - of a horrible kind - is being borne by some around me. The loss of a child. Another loss of a child. A horrible injury of a child. I ache in a deep place and I know that the knowledge of these losses makes me stop and feel the August heat pouring through the window. I don't want to turn the air on. It is a beautiful heat. And I am grateful.

Talk to the hand

2011-07-29T09:35:00.005-05:00

So I have one teenager who is almost 14, 5'10" and one who is 6 years old. Guess which one is is testier some days?

As a hater of all things Disney, we have decided to not let her watch any of those shows any more with the kid 'stars'. The silliness was compounding. She. Will. Not. Be. That. Girl. (i hope). Immediately we see some improvements.

Just as Harris could not read Calvin and Hobbs without trying to be Calvin when he was 6-7 years old, Yammi cannot watch those shows without trying to be a teen age girl. We took Calvin away for a while and in 2011 we scale WAY back on programming. We are focusing on learning to read basic words, counting to 100, and making art. I want her to play outside, to get her soccer gear ready, and swing too high.

She wants to wear her Justin Bieber pjs (thanks to Aunt Cecca) and put on lipstick. Nick tells her she is wearing too much jewelry and that she needs to take off the lipstick. I tell Nick to not be a control freak or he will never have a decent girlfriend. He shrugs.

I am navigating very murky waters here. How much do I allow? How much do I ignore? Why does Nick assess her jewelry choices? I question myself a hundred times a day. My bag of parenting ideas is running low and I need to recharge.

A beach vacation is ahead of us. We will relax and find a new routine to our days and that is always good. I am hoping if I stare long and hard enough into the ocean horizon all these things will aright themselves.

Nick is back

2011-07-17T20:16:00.007-05:00

And guess who was pretty stinkin' excited about that? He also brought home the unexpected guest, pink eye, with him.

Two years ago it was H1N1.

I may be curious as to why I shell out all this money every summer.

Yes, I am adopted. Are You?

2011-07-11T16:06:00.007-05:00

UPDATE:

http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/2011/06/parenting-while-not-noticing-race.html

Excellent article on 'seeing' race in your family which dovetails nicely.

My brilliant girl's response last week when asked if she is adopted. She does this with complete openness and honesty in asking the question back.

This has been her one liner since first being asked this question long ago and I am so comfortable with her response. I stay back and let her take the lead at all times. I feel strongly that her story is hers to share however she wants. I don't think she is too young at all to navigate these waters without me. I have her back - but she is strongly in charge of these situations.

But then..... of course.... the inevitable shoe drops shortly after.

I wish my skin was white.

I wish my skin was lighter.

I tell her I love her skin. She asks me if I like my own skin.

My first instinct is to say I dislike it. Too splotchy. Not dark enough. Not smooth enough. Crows feet. Freckles.

But then I kneel down and look her in the eyes and tell her I love my skin.

I like my skin too, mommy!

It works for now......

Overheard

2011-06-22T16:33:00.002-05:00

"Mom, being a kid is great!"

Yamro Seabold, age 6, home 1 year 5 months.

Thank you, Universe.

About that tax refund

2011-06-03T08:45:00.002-05:00

If you have been waiting for the adoption portion of your tax return.......my recent news break.

2 hours spent on hold with the IRS.

Gripping letter from aforementioned IRS in hand, explained that over 30 days had passed since I received their letter. Would like to get status of refund. Several thousand dollars thank you very much.

IRS lady says, "Oh. We actually have 30-60 days to review this. Call back at 60 days".

My knuckles turn white, tightening around the phone, and I get sweaty. I am going to say something mean.

I don’t want to get my file ‘flagged’ as being a mean, crazy woman, unworthy of my refund.

“My letter says 30 days, not 60 days. I just spent two hours on hold for this little bit of information that would have saved you money and my time”.

“Well”, she says. “There are just so many that they have to review.”

I am still sweaty and getting angrier.

“Thank you very much. I will call back in another 20 days.”

My mid-western upbringing wins again. But I really wanted my Italian upbringing to win.

Still no refund.

Teeth and tutus

2011-05-23T13:28:00.012-05:00

Our medical journey continues. An abscessed tooth had to be pulled Friday. You may remember she had surgery last year to deal with multiple teeth rotted to the gum line. I was hoping that misery was over. But one last blow.

It was awful. With laughing gas and a numb jaw, she still screamed and reached for me. I had to help hold her down. I wanted to be anywhere else in the world but there.

But there was no where else in the world I wanted to be.

She called out 'mamma, mamma, mamma' and I was able to respond to her cries. I was able to hold her when it was over and wipe away the tears. We listened to Justin Bieber in the car and got her a McDonald's frozen strawberry lemonade. She was happy again. My jaw unclenched.

I am looking forward to working on her toe fungus next (!). Only two blood draws involved.... I have recruited Mark to do this.

And the tutu?

She was our beautiful ballerina. As the stage was darkened between performances, I was crying before the lights came up. So was my wonderful mother sitting next to me. I wanted to stand up and tell everyone....... THIS IS MY DAUGHTER - SHE HAS ENDURED MUCH - LOOK AT HER DANCE WITH JOY!

She was beautiful, strong, and confident. I can barely remember her performance, but I do know those things. It took my breath away to see her up in front of hundreds of people. Smiling, twirling, bowing.

Issi

2011-05-12T10:32:00.000-05:00

Out of nowhere I remember a random moment from first bringing home Yamro. Issi (pronounced “Is-she") means "It’s okay" in Amharic. We would say it to her a lot. A LOT. Most glaringly during our take off flight from Addis to Frankfurt when she completely freaked out.

Both Harris and Nick took to this phrase in such a beautiful and gentle way. For months they would comfort her with Issi, Yamro. It’s okay, Yammi. Issi. Issi.

I would choke up almost every time they did this. They did it with such ease and great abandon. Why couldn't I do this. Not worrying if they should do this in English – maybe she needs to self sooth – maybe she needs something I can’t give her – maybe she doesn’t like me- maybe I am saying this phrase wrong. All -my -problems.

They would utter this lovely phrase with no strings attached and no holds barred. I took their lead. And she was okay and is okay.

That is how we learn from our children. Issi.

P.S. She loves her tutu. A lot.

Yamro turns 6

2011-04-20T20:37:00.004-05:00

To say that this girl has added an amazing amount of light into our lives would be an understatment. We love her beyond words.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl. The world awaits you!

Why thousands are leaving

2011-04-15T08:12:00.011-05:00

http://www.richardsipe.com/reports/2011-02-22-us-bishops.htm

I have been following the sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church for a solid three years now. I can barely stomach reading one more grand jury report. The above link provides a nice, succinct synopsis of the continual crises. Bishop-Accountability.org is another excellent site. They are extremely difficult reports to read, but I find it of the utmost importance to understand if you seek truth. The truth will set you free.

My conclusion is the entire system is corrupt from top to bottom. The popes hid it, the bishops hid it, the priests hid it. If they cannot get a BASIC HUMAN RIGHT - the right of a child NOT to be sexually abused - correct, they can be correct on nothing. Clericalism is alive and well and failing this church miserably. If they want a 'smaller, purer' church, they are sure getting it. The numbers don't lie. Bishops clearly do.

To those who point fingers and say - all the other churches and schools and institutions have the same problem - I say so what. No other church claims to be the church instituted by Christ himself. No other institution has done so much to systematically hide and protect criminals. Repeatedly. Across the world. Repeatedly. Let me say this again. No other institution has harbored criminals so well as the Catholic Church. Read up on Ireland for a true horror story. Father Marcial (great friend of soon to be beatified John Paul II - another disgrace for another time). More horror. More cover up.

I hope for the day that someone, anyone is put in jail - not whisked away to the Vatican and placed in a fancy apartment with a cushy position. See Cardinal Bernard Law.

No, it is not 1965

2011-04-08T08:28:00.004-05:00

In case anyone has had their head in the sand about the state of race relations. Interesting stats courtesy of Public Policy Polling, but buried in here is THE headline, I think:

We asked voters on this poll whether they think interracial marriage should be legal or illegal- 46% of Mississippi Republicans said it should be illegal to just 40% who think it should be legal. For the most part there aren't any huge divides in how voters view the candidates or who they support for the nomination based on their attitudes about interracial marriage but there are a few exceptions.

This is regarding a Mississippi GOP poll, rather specific. But things are revealed, no?

Sometimes I skip along singing a tune. And then other times as I am skipping along I get tripped up. This trips me up today because it is 2011. It is not 1965.

Remembering

2011-04-07T10:37:00.003-05:00

A little over three years ago a friend and her four children were killed in their home. Her husband killed all five with a baseball bat and then killed himself.

All four of their children were adopted from Korea. They were one of the first families who helped me think about adoption in a much bigger way than I had been. The news rocked the world of Korean adoptees in such a horrific way. The news to our own community was devastating. I have never known such fear in my life as when we knew something horrible happened in that house to someone, but the police were still looking for the father. My only thought was that he was heading to the school to harm his children or any other children. I was physically shaking from head to toe, frantically trying to get information.

Our children went to school together. We had shared a babysitter on occasion. I gave a few rides to music practice to the oldest son who was in Harris’s class. He was just 10 years old when he was killed.

I just need to write this because I have been thinking about them again. And I still don’t have much to say about the horror of that week as it just creeps back in this time of year. I forget and then it hits me hard. If I write it down – maybe I feel better moving it from my head to paper?

And I want to be sure to remember something good this time of year. Thank you, Sheryl, for helping me think about adoption in a new way. In many, many ways your spirit lives on.

How they are all doing

2011-04-05T14:05:00.004-05:00

My brother in law has kindly pointed out to me in the past that I tend to not share any info about my boys. Here you go.

They are awesome and they are annoying.

Harris is getting straight A's in junior high and Nick is in advanced math programs. They both test at the highest score levels. They also can't pick a towel up off the floor or turn a light off. They also like to fight and dig holes 5 feet deep in my garden. Nick tells lots of Uranus jokes and Harris falls off his chair laughing. At the dinner table. It all seems relative.

Harris is taller than me and gives awkward hugs, but he still hugs. Nick is a hugger. The Italian in him. They are doing great in soccer (Harris will NEVER ever be an aggressive player and Nick will beat his pants off).

And Yammi. She is great. She can be difficult - a true Ethiopian pouter. And sometimes I feel like we are not quite connecting. That may just be me not quite figuring little girl world out yet. But my overall sense is that she is at a good comfort level with us and does not quite need to give us the ferocious hugs as in the past. I think I just need to relax more and not continue to be so hypervigilent about potential problems.

And then I get this e-mail from a parent. I relaxed.....
Rosanna: I meant to send you a message after A---'s party to let you know how much I adore Yamro, she is a delight! Of course, you already know this, but it can be nice hearing it from other parents. Every time I’ve talked with her, she is so polite, sweet, and inquisitive (she likes to ask questions about our baby). Last night at soccer practice (maybe you were there and I didn’t see you), she ran up and gave A--- a big hug. This touched me so much because he had been struggling with whether he wanted to join the group (despite the fact that signing up for Kickers was his idea and he’d been looking forward to it for weeks; his temperament has always been such that it’s difficult for him to jump into new things). Anyway, her hug was so welcoming and helpful to him. Sometimes I think children know just what a friend needs. I just wanted to tell you that.

Thank you, John Waters

2011-04-03T20:32:00.016-05:00

Sometimes I find myself hitting a wall. Somewhere between SuperBowl Sunday and April 1, I falter. Big time. I do this every year and should be used to it. Should fully expect it. But it catches me by surprise every year.

I don't want to cook. I am highly annoyed by all routine things. If I even log onto Facebook I want to scream at the posts. My kids seem to depend on me for their fulfillment of happiness each day. I can't even muster a smile, let alone be sure they all have a playdate, full tummies, completed homework and clean clothes. I also have a job outside the home which demands much of my attention this time of year. A job I love. A job I NEED to keep me sane and in check.

The snow, cold, and grey light for those two months kill me. I bottom out, taking my husband and children with me. Poor souls.

And then the tipping point arrives. April arrives. Things seem possible again. I CAN cook! I can even menu plan, do laundry, clean the house, and hold a job. I play with the kids again, set up playdates. No big deal.

The closer was this Saturday..... a quick drink at a University of Iowa Museum fundraiser party that Mark is hosting .... just ONE drink and I have to get back to the kids you know ...... some wonderful friends show up (the kind that go back 15 years). Another drink goes down nicely. John Waters is up at a penthouse suite apatment party. We are downstairs at the bar. Our friend is the wine supplier for the evening. Up the elevator we go!

A poor girl with an actual clipboard is checking everyone who arrives against some very official list. I didn't know John Waters was of such great interest in Iowa City - he is. We aren't on the list, but we are just going to head on back to help our friend with the wine. Clipboard girl tells us very hesitantly, okay.... well... okay, but I might have to come and find you later. My friend Stacia is a pro at getting us through the clip board lady. Poor thing. I could be her mother.

We have some wine, see John Waters, see some more friends, make business introductions among friends, watch people act stupid around John Waters, eat some amazing food, make fun of people, watch John Waters sign some girl's breast, and stare down a crazy person walking around playing a toy accordion.

It was that kind of night.

I am back. Thank you John Waters.

Notes from Sendai

2011-03-24T11:49:00.002-05:00

If someone has water running in their home, they put out a sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets…I came back to my shack to find food and water left in the entranceway. I have no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door-to-door, checking to see if everyone is okay. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes. But fear or panic, no.

Somehow at this time I realize from direct experience that there is indeed an enormous Cosmic evolutionary step that is occurring all over the world right at this moment. And somehow, as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don’t. Rather, I feel a part of something happening that much larger than myself. This wave of birthing (worldwide) is hard, and yet magnificent.

Oh how I need to remember that love continues. It is foolish to think otherwise.

Adoption Investigator, contd.

2011-03-16T19:11:00.005-05:00

An enormous thanks to the many of you who e-mailed me to share your journey in this process and share some of your questions with me. I gathered questions and found that many of you have most of the same. And to me, that makes perfect sense. This journey that our children have been on follows, so often, the same path.

There are a few questions I will not post as they are personal in nature to our situation, as I know several of you pointed out as well. My general questions are as follows:

Can you tell us what your daily routine was with Yamro?

Who did she play with? What games did she like?

Where was she born?

What does the name Yamro mean?

Who does she look like, you or her father?

Who was she close to in your family?

Why did you make the decision to relinquish her? What would you like us to tell her?

What is your favorite memory of Yamro?

What was her favorite food?

What was her personality like?

What are your hopes for her?

Can you share some family history (names of grandparents, etc)?

What is your village like?

What would you like to share with us about your life and what would you like us to tell her about you?
She talks often of milking goats. Is this something she did? She likes to show us how she did it!

So - these are in no particular order. I need to clean that up. Also - I left out two questions that are private in nature; particular to her story.

I hope to send this off along with photos next week and keep this process in motion. I am still worried about them finding her mother. Sometimes I feel almost desperate. I want her to know and see what I see every day. This beauty.

I hope this is helpful to anyone stepping out on this path.

The earth shrugs

2011-03-15T12:02:00.004-05:00

and thousands fall.

Like most, I am finding it hard to keep on with the ordinary of life. My life is full. On the other side of the world, it has been washed away.

I think of the parents sitting outside the car where they found their daughter. I hope I never forget them. I feed my family things we love, I am grateful for my well built house and far away ocean. I care for my family in gratitude for all that I have. That is my own moral responsibility.

Hiring an adoption investigator

2011-02-22T10:12:00.002-06:00

We adopted Yamro through Adoption Advocates International over a year ago. I will take a moment here to share that it was an excellent experience. Thorough, up front, experienced, outreach programs in Ethiopia along with a long history in the country, strong ethics.

One of the services offered is the use of an adoption investigator to locate your child's relatives and gather information that you have requested.

I e-mailed Merrily Ripley at AAI about this and she promptly responded with the information needed to do this. It includes the following:

- A one year post placement report must be on file
- Copies of any information that would help locate the child's family
- A letter with photos of how the child is doing to be shared with the family
- A statement of what you would like accomplished and list of questions you would like answered
- Cost is $200 with the possiblity of up to $100 more if extensive travel is required
- An understanding that this will take many months

We are ready to take this step.

Yamro's mother tried to get to Addis last year to meet us before we left. Though the prospect of that was heart wrenching, we were prepared to do this. She was unable to make the long trip there before we had to leave. In retrospect, it is one of the most difficult things to reconcile since bringing Yamro home.

This is a child who was loved, cherished, cared for. She is beautiful, smart, happy. I still lay awake some nights thinking what it must be do relinquish something so precious. To have to leave the only thing in the world that was hers.

To be clear, her mother officially relinquished her. For this we are grateful. We have all the court papers which clearly show this along with other relatives who testified. I can tell her without a shadow of a doubt that her mother knows she is here with us. And that her mother loved her enough to make sure this was done is the best possible manner. Small comfort to such great grief.

This week I will be drafting a letter to AAI to get this process started. There are obvious things we want to know, but seek any information from any adoptive parent who had gone through this process. You can leave me a message here or e-mail me off line at: rmseabold@gmail.com

In the back of my mind I worry that maybe her mother was sick and is no longer alive. I worry that I won't have anything to give Yamro when our discussions need to go deeper than they do now. I have lots of paperwork that someday we can go through, but nothing about her day to day life.

If anyone can share their experience, I would be most grateful. In the future months, I will share how this is progressing for any of you who may be doing this as well.

But she is only 5

2011-02-17T10:00:00.002-06:00

Dear Daughter - You are only 5 and on your third language. You like to tote around dart guns and dress up. You asked me yesterday getting out of the car, "Why does God make bad people?".

Did I look like a deer in the headlight?

I talked to you about God giving all of us free will and what choices we make. Some choose good, some choose bad. I can't answer beyond that.

"Why can't we see God? I want to see him".

I had to gently remind you that God is not him/her. Could be both - keep your thoughts open to amazing possibilities. Then I told her someday we all get to see God. But nobody knows when. Nobody knows what really awaits us.

Then I thought that was too much.

But you smiled and moved on to wanting to make macaroni and cheese.

You are only 5. But so much more than 5.

When I sang to you the other night, you started crying because 'I love you so much'.

And I don't even know how to describe what that does to my heart.

Globalization

2011-02-16T11:44:00.004-06:00

Thank you Dr. Barnett. This little paragraph is why I read his books and blog on Globalization. Someone today reminded on how many see the world through such a tiny and selfish lens. It's a great big complicated world out there and ignorance breeds fear.

America the globalizer, however, goes with the flow. It recognizes a map that shows what's connected via globalization and what is not. It notices that the unconnected places are where the violence is. It notices that the seam between the connected places and the unconnected places is where all the revolutions seem to happen, along with the rising frontier markets like CIVETS (Colombia, Indonesia, Vietnam, Egypt, Turkey and South Africa--think about that group for a second when Wikistrat talks about the Turkish "exit glidepath" and the Obama administration proposes Indonesia-post-Suharto as the interim path to that ultimate one). It accepts that such risers will be independent-minded, like Turkey, and not ours to boss around, but that, in their integrating, bridge-building, mini-economic-empire building, they'll be doing our work for us.Referenced from: http://globlogization.wikistrat.com/weblog/#ixzz1E94U1mcL

EDIT:
A most excellent article from Newstatesman. I have followed the uprising in Egypt very closely. I like this synposis best so far. Indeed, NOT an Islamic revolution.
http://www.newstatesman.com/religion/2011/02/egypt-arab-tunisia-islamic

PS: This is just my own personal geek out post. I follow world politics heavily.

R a n d o m

2011-02-14T11:19:00.009-06:00

Found some photos on my camera I liked. This post is just for me to make me feel I am actually trying different settings on my camera so I feel that I am learning something. I am not.

This sugar bowl from Anthropologie that I bought in Chicago makes me happy. Every time. Every single time.

I bought a bunch of old glass lab containers for .50 each at the University of Iowa surplus. I can't get enough of them.

Cuban Night at our home was a success! We hosted our gourmet club. We drank a lot of wine. It was fun.
I am getting braces next month. How cool does that make me at 41?

A year of discovery

2011-01-28T10:46:00.007-06:00

It has been one year. One glorious, challenging, enlightening, growth filled year. Yamro has reached the first year milestone as part of our family and it still astounds me that we have walked this path.

The boys have said numerous times that it seems she has been here for 5 years – forever! Since it was unprompted, I take it as a genuine expression of love from them. Not only have our hearts expanded to love our daughter, but we have learned to see our sons have an amazing capacity to have their lives turned upside down, welcome a new sister with unwavering love, and grown in ways we never imagined.

So I hope you will forgive me when I need to refute all the comments that begin with, “She is so lucky to have you….”. It could not be more wrong. It is us who could not be luckier to have her. I believe that and feel that to the depth of my being. This is not something I could have understood before adopting. I am sure I said that same phrase myself numerous times. But now I get it. To those who already knew this – I apologize.

I have learned so much this year. I stepped out into the world of adoption blinded by ‘love can fix it all’. I am so happy to have found people who opened my eyes through sharing their own challenging situations. Situations which we thankfully did not experience. I feel that it has forever expanded my vision of what it takes to make some families work, and to have empathy for those who could not make it work. I now know it takes research, therapists, doctors, nurses, stamina, unwavering structure. Love fits in there, but it takes so much more. One year ago I did not understand this. I have also come to find there are many out there who will judge and cloak it in the name of God. That has been a more difficult pill to swallow. The link below is one of the more powerful ones I read. It is, unfortunately, symptomatic of a lot of other things I have found this year too.

http://www.anymommyoutthere.com/2008/07/response-letter-to-sally-lee-of-parents.html

And this response to a comment based on the above link.

http://www.anymommyoutthere.com/2008/10/say-what-you-need-to-say.html

This year I found out I don’t believe in love conquering all, in God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. This year I found out the greater miracle is using what we are given to grow, learn, accept, rise to the challenge….. and sometimes it does not work. A painful truth.

This year I found out so much I did not know and so much I still need to learn. Not just about adoption, but about the prism some look through to judge families and choices they make. And while I find myself on the path of moving away from organized religion, I have found that it has been replaced by a larger and deeper understanding of what it means for me to follow a more spiritual path. Less judgment, less dogma, more empathy, listen more, talk less. I feel I have fewer roadblocks now to pursue this growth, but predictably, still lots of stumbling.

I am glad to have this new foundation on which to stand and to have made this greatest discovery.

This year I found out the gift is to us.

And so now she is in dance class

2011-01-22T14:01:00.002-06:00

Time

2011-01-13T12:36:00.002-06:00

It has been a crushing couple of weeks. Everyone needs to be somewhere or needs to have something done for them. Mark is gone most evenings now.

But last night we both happened to be standing in front of the large mirror in the downstairs bathroom. He scrubbing the sink clean from the slimy spit those kids seem to be unable to rinse out. Me grabbing some hair products for Yammi.

We catch a look at each other.

“Where are those young kids at who met in the K-mart parking lot?”, I blurt out.

But I like what I see. We are most definitely older. You can see it in the laugh lines, my stray gray hairs that I thought was just colored, Mark’s graying beard. All gentle and quiet reminders that time marches forward. And always much faster than realized.

I think how much our lives have changed and how we have changed and how we have this somewhat large, crazy, loud family that makes my heart ache with how much it loves them.

And I think of the good fortune that Kmart had this large parking lot to turn your car around in to go back down Main street in 1986.

My name is Rosanna and I have a napkin obsession

2011-01-11T14:22:00.013-06:00

It started innocently. Browsing etsy. Ragged dinner napkins in my kitchen.

Then I ordered 4 each of these:

A couple weeks later they added the VW bus. Who could say no?! 4 more napkins.

My kids were so jazzed about these. Fighting over who gets to set the table at night so they can choose the napkins - who got what napkin - who cried over what napkin they got.

THEN....

Game over. The kids were hooked and I felt my napkin obsession was complete. 4 more napkins.

I now have a lovely pile of these (which who doesn't love a stack of clean, crisp, organic cotton napkins).

Piled on a $10 old library cart that I put to excellent use in my dining room. This is the table setting station for the kids (and drink station for the adults).

The Etsy seller is "Oh, Little Rabbit". They are on my blog list. I just went there. They now have green limes on napkins. I need to stop.

Update

2011-01-08T20:24:00.002-06:00

My family members are telling me it is a girl thing. Okay. I have so much to learn.

Will still do the 10 minute thing and let you know if it works.

And then I will take 10 minutes to drink some wine and we should all be fine by then.

It's all about Daddy

2011-01-07T09:44:00.003-06:00

Things have been solidly good and solidly busy. I wish I could sit and write more.

Christmas Eve – always my favorite - was wonderful and peaceful. Everything I wanted it to be. A gorgeous snow, sledding, games in front of the fire, evening children’s mass (thought with the changes it kind of stunk), dinner, movie, and bedtime. The whole day had a beautiful glow.

My cup runneth over.

But it was predictably empty by January 4th. The kids went back to school January 5th. The snow had melted and we were out of things to do – other than fight. I was once again happy to get everyone back into a routine and out of the house. Myself included. I am SO much a creature of habit.

Yammi will have been with us one year at the end of this month. I still don’t think I will have words to sum up this past year with her. I will have to chew on that for a while.

Back to my title. A new development we are working on with her is her incessant need for daddy’s attention. From the moment he walks in the door, it is a dance to hold center stage for him. Her perfect behavior from the rest of the day will suddenly disappear into a series of pouts, foot stomping into the other room, whining, and interruptions. She very clearly seems in competition with me for his attention.

Mark and I agreed that our first attempt to get this under control is to give her a full 10 minutes of his attention when he gets home. One on one in a chair, eye contact, talking, maybe read her a book. Whatever seems to feel right. Ten minutes is small change compared to the 3 hours of constant attention seeking.

I hope to report some improved behavior in the next few weeks. If not – we need to find something new to try. In the wider world of adoption, this is minor and I think very addressable. I just want to be sure we act right away instead waiting for her to improve on her own. I welcome any other ideas some of you more expereinced parents may have.

And to think - she would not acknowledge Mark for our entire time in Ethiopia.

And a last word about Harris… I was so tired the other day around 5pm. He noticed. ‘Mom, go lay down. I totally have this under control down here.’ My sweet boy is still somewhere inside that very large 13 year old body. I love him. I think he will grow up to make us very, very proud someday. Or not. But I love the direction he is headed.

And another last word about Nicky….. he had his long hair out of his face the other day and I saw that sweet face with freckles sprinkled all over. I hugged him tight and thanked him for brushing his hair.

It’s the little things.

Just bullet points

2010-12-16T08:49:00.004-06:00

So busy. So much going on. Just time for bullet points a la work style:

- The 9 month TB protocol is over for Yamro. No more nasty medicine every night. She was an amazing trooper through the whole process. And she got a new kitchen set at Target to celebrate. Best $100 I spent this year.
- Harris achieved straight A's in his first trimester of junior high. We are so proud of him. When he is not driving us nuts being a sarcastic teenager. Winter running program starts after Christmas for him as does fencing. He needs to stay active or those hormones make him difficult.
- Nick continues to be an amazingly strong student and is doing great work in the Math Olympiad program he is in. His hair is also hanging in his face all the time and he is playing cello. He also can't wait to play football in the fall again. Nick is an interesting mix.
- I turn 41 on Sunday. I like that.
- Mark is still busy with one of the best year's yet for his firm. For this we are most grateful.

And look - I was too lazy to actually use bullet points.

A new normal

2010-11-23T09:54:00.005-06:00

Harris and Yammi are the first ones up. I am already dressed and mostly ready for work. Serve breakfast, try and get Nick up. Go put on makeup. Come back down and try to get Nick up. Try and get Mark up. Get Yammi dressed and do her hair. Make our bed. Make her bed. Mark packs my lunch. Still trying to get Nick up. Nick is up and still needs me to lay his clothes out for the day. No jeans. Just sport pants. Jeans are too cold.

Kisses to all and into my lovely car I go.

My new normal.

I wasn’t sure how long it would take me to get there, but I think I am officially there. Or here. Whatever.

Though she slipped quickly into our hearts, slipping into a routine with three children was difficult. No longer was I the lady of leisure (ha!) with two older boys I once was. I could simply give an order and they would (mostly) follow it. Visits to swimming pools involved me reading a book while they played.

Now there is another who needs help getting toothpaste on her toothbrush. Isn’t quite clear on which shoe goes on which foot. Wants to pack candy in her lunchbox. Thinks she can swim but can’t.

Mark and I tag team this well now. I just noticed that while I attended to her shoes he was fixing a pin in her hair a few weeks ago. It felt good. I felt that normal was maybe here.

Without going into a lenghtly missive on what I am thankful for – I am happy to be at our new normal. I am not really sure I can ask for much more in this life.

Stumbling

2010-10-25T10:44:00.001-05:00

I hate those days. I think of them as my days of stumbling. Maybe tripping is better. Faltering. Failing.

Those days when I have no patience and everyone seems to be at everyone else. I dream of being the peacemaker – the mom who sits them down calmly and works it all out. We hug, we kiss, and everyone goes about their day all the better for it.

But in reality, I have never been a patient person. Motherhood, in theory, should perhaps nurture that. While I will admit that I will have some amazing moments of patience with my children, more likely I will get angry. It never really helps and I seem to be relearning that lesson all the time.

Blech – and it happened on Mark’s birthday to boot.

All is well today – but it seems Sundays can wring us out. I need to rethink what we do on Sundays. It seems to be a hard day across the board.

Tomorrow Mark and I leave for two days in Chicago. No kids. I am thinking that may be the little bit of recharging I need. Recoil concert, Ethiopian dining, shopping (sort of), reconnecting. When my parents were 40ish, I was in college and my two sisters were shortly behind. Virtually an empty nest for most of the year.

Now that we are 40ish, we have a kindergartner, a 4th grader, and one in junior high. It may explain a lot.

A better night's sleep

2010-10-12T18:24:00.006-05:00

When Yammi first came into our home, we noticed odd reflexes she would exhibit after going to sleep. Most glaringly was if you touched her, or moved her, or even just tucked a blanket in around her, she would flail into a sort of 'startle' reflex. Her eyes would open, her limbs would twitch, a mini-convulsion of the body. Asleep the entire time, I would find myself holding her arms or her body close to mine so as to help her twitching stop quicker.

It was rather scary the first time to see. Even months later, it bothered me to no end.

Until last week.

It was gone.

I went in to make sure she was covered up and prepared to hold her arms. But nothing. She simply rolled over with a little sigh, put her arms over the bunny she was sleeping with and was content. A balm to my soul that has been aching from her pain lately.

I have read and heard from parents who share that their children tend to work things out in their sleep. A sub-conscious sleep therapy session of sorts. I am hoping that she has turned a subtle corner in her assimilation and comfort level. Though she has has such an easy transition into our family, there is no denying that trauma is part of her history and what that means on many different levels.

We welcome this new development - to see her simply snuggle down into her blankets is one of the finer things in life for us to see!

And then some days are just perfect

2010-10-05T10:10:00.006-05:00

After such a hard couple of days, the clouds parted and Mark and I were granted Monday......

Harris: All A's except for one B in his mid-term. He is a strong runner for his cross country team. He is still really skinny and really tall!

Nick: His coach shared with me that he stood up for a kid nobody else would pass the ball to during last week's game. She told me that her own son keeps talking about how cool it was that Nick did that and she wanted to be sure I knew. Tears popped in my eyes.

Yammi: Going strong. My thoughts about her break down last week involve Mark being out of town. The few times she has been emotional about Mommy Z is when he is gone for a few days for work. Surely there is a connection and we need to address this next time he is prepping to leave.

And enjoy her school rhyme song.... she likes to act!

A hard day

2010-10-01T11:49:00.003-05:00

Driving with Yammi and Nick in the back seat on our way to piano lessons. Out of the blue – tears from Yammi. And then a hard cry. And then: “I miss my mommy”.

And all the air was sucked out of my lungs.

And then I started crying. Nick was close to crying. And I could not pull the car over fast enough to get her out of her car seat and hold her.

To put words to how I felt is not easy. It is not easy because not only was I completely heartbroken and frantically searching for the right things to say for her….. but had to keep the ugly head of jealousy from rearing up. I am not proud of that.

She was upset because I was crying. She then said she can’t remember her mommy.
Followed by more of I miss my mommy. I want to go back to see my mommy.

I want her to talk and to cry and to let it all out. And she can do it as much as she needs to. I tell her things I think might help: your mommy Z knows you are here; your mommy Z is happy that you are healthy and in school and in our family; we love you and we love mommy Z. I ask her to share with me about mommy Z, but she never can/won’t.

She was well loved and for that I am grateful beyond all measure. Part of her easy adjustment must be from this love – from this ability to be loved and love back. But with that love comes the attachments she had to leave behind and all the pain that must accompany it. To say I can even remotely understand would be a great lie. I can’t.

It has been 8 months since she has been in our family. This was her first solid cry over her mommy and I have been waiting for it. She has always spoken of her mother in bits and pieces, but would quickly change the subject and seemed rather unemotional. My gut tells me she needs to do this and I am glad.

My goal is to keep the lines of communication open. Mommy Z can always be spoken of and loved right back by all of us. I guess we figure out baby steps from here the best way to continue to help her.

This morning she was a bright ray of light. She wakes with a smile every. single. morning. She fought with her brothers and all was right with the world again. Forward we march.

Seeking thoughts on older child adoption

2010-08-13T16:37:00.004-05:00

I have been chewing on this for a while and I hope anyone who has adopted beyond infant stage in Ethiopia can give me some thoughts.

Yammi turned 5 on paper back in April. Since then her 6 year molars have come in and her front bottom tooth is loose. Seems like classic 6 year old development. I am fine with that.

Except she seems so much more than 6. She breezily makes fun of herself in clever jokes, she can do her own hair quite well, she makes breakfast for everyone when the mood strikes her - and shes does it well. She set out Mark's shoes that he needed with his socks neatly tucked inside each shoe. When she plays with other girls her age, she seems so much older - playing with girls older than her seems much easier for her..... she seems to be inpatient with the behavior in the girls around 4-5.

Of course, some days I would tag her as a 3 year old. But most days - not.

Is this an Ethiopian trait? Is this just a 6 year old girl? I don't know. I just know boys - and they were mostly loud and messy.

Any thoughts? Any one?

On a side note...... I went back to work today after almost 2 weeks with the kids. I won't lie and say that I verily skipped into my office. I also won't lie and tell you that my heart aches for all the new 'firsts' coming up next week. From Junior High to Kindergarten. My heart swells and my eyes are wet and the blur of sun and swimming pools has left a wonderful glow in my soul.

One large aluminum pot

2010-07-29T19:27:00.003-05:00

sits in my front yard as I type this. I am too tired to go outside and pick it up. I could have one of my children do it, but I am too tired to track anyone down. So I am just staring at it.

And that, my friends, is how busy I have been.

The end.

She keeps talking

2010-06-14T11:00:00.004-05:00

Yamro now seems surprised to discover she has 2 moms. "I am special!", she shouts to Harris the other morning at breakfast. "I have two moms!". Yeah, Harris replies. You are very special. (I think he was quite sincere)

She continues to bring up Ethiopia. "I want to see my mom in Ethiopia." When you are older we can go back, I tell her. She seems okay with this.

If I gently prod for some more information about her mother, her replies have varied. "I am tricking. I don't have a mom there". Or, more typically, she can't seem to remember (or want to) anything about her life then. Who she lived with. Who fed her. Where she slept.

She seems to define much of her life in Ethiopia by a woman named Tigi who worked at Layla House.

We keep this door open for her to talk whenever she wants. It is not getting any easier. In some ways more complicated.

But who said this was not going to be complicated.

The boys have been instructed to not pry any information out of her. I think Nicholas is TOO interested in this whole two mom thing. But so far, they have simply told their sister that they love her mommy in Ethiopia and that she is special to have two moms.

A memory

2010-06-03T12:04:00.003-05:00

I want to remember my sweet Nicholas in Ethiopia, swinging on a swing at Yamro's orphanage while Mark and I talk about the possiblity of meeting her birth mother.

I didn't know he was listening to us talk. I should have.

"It makes me so sad, Mom".

Yeah, Nick. It makes me sad too.

It still does.

Having her birth mother out there continues to keep me up some nights.

Last night there was a small opening from Yamro.

"Momma - I want to go to Ethiopia"

"Sure honey - when you are older we can go back. Do you want to see your mama?"

"She is too far away. She cooking"

"That's okay. Nothing is too far away."

Then the door closed and she wanted to watch the Blackhawks play hockey.

It can be so complicated. But I want to keep this door of discussion open for her as her language develops. And I would like to stop having tears in my eyes every single time we go down this path. Ugh.

I was scared

2010-05-28T12:39:00.002-05:00

I had to go in for a follow up mammogram and then an ultra sound. They kept saying, 'we see something but don't know what it is'.

I know this is not an uncommon thing to have happen.

But it is scary when it is you. And you have three children. And you feel especially needed at this moment in time; in just bringing home a new child.

It ended up fine. And the cliche is so very very very true. You look at each day a bit differently.

She has her cake and eats it too

2010-05-27T16:40:00.004-05:00

This beauty continues to steal our hearts more each day. I have no time to blog lately. Sometimes I really miss getting to write some details down, but I just can't make the time now.

Yamro is healthy, happy and gorgeous. The new teeth are perfect and with summer around the corner she needs them for sweet corn season - yippee!

She is perfectly ready for kindergarten this August. Time has flown, flies, will continue to fly.

And this happy little girl is the reason.

P.S. Lest I sound all butterflies and rainbows...... she has whined the last bit of patience out of me today.

New teeth and a new age

2010-04-16T13:23:00.003-05:00

2 hours of outpatient surgery has provided Yamro with new molars, two extractions, spacers, mini root canal and her first exposure to anesthesia.

Did she do great? But of course.

Did we learn something new? But of course.

6 year molars are coming in, says the surgeon. This puts her realistically at 5 1/2 years instead of just turning 5 next week.

I am completely okay with that. But to think when she was referred to us the initial age was 3 1/2 - 4 last August.

Age was never a big issue for us, so this is nothing surprising or a problem. She is on track for kindergarten in the fall and we will keep it that way.

Another small twist in the world of adoption. And twist she does..... right around all our fingers.

I have been gnawing on this one for a while

2010-04-09T09:47:00.003-05:00

and as a Catholic trying to find discernment - I agree. I just need to get this down on 'paper':

The problem . . . is not that the Church is especially evil, it’s that it’s essentially the same as everyone else. And if the Church is so wrong on how to treat pedophile priests, why isn’t the Church equally misguided in other decisions about what is “healthy” for the human person? The reason why the Church gets special heat for their sins is that it sets itself up for a higher fall.

The Pope cannot claim to be the “Vicar of Christ,” and the Church cannot claim that Bishops are the successors of the Apostles, and the Church cannot claim infallibility in its ex cathedra proclamation about faith and morals, and then expect, when the abuse of children occurs under the Church’s watch, to be treated like a local public school district or the Boy Scouts. People look at the behavior of the Church, compare it to its claims of authority, and think the latter are demonstrably false and hypocritical.

We can make distinctions all we want about the “office” of the Bishop or the “office” of the Holy Father or about “ex cathedra” versus something lesser; and we can blog to the end of time about how the Church, too, is comprised of sinful individuals. But, pastorally, does anyone think those distinctions matter? Is that what the Church has to do to maintain credibility? How many hairs can the Church continue to split?
- Matt, in a comment in response tothe March 24 dotCommonweal post,“From Munich to Milwaukee, Scandal Dogs Benedict”

The parasites have left the house

2010-04-06T11:45:00.008-05:00

I am humbled by the power of good medicine. Even if they still have not figured out how to make it taste better for these sweet children.

We continue to settle into our routine. School, pre-school, soccer season starting, lots of bike riding, lots of swinging, and some shoe buying. Tis the season for sandals and I am not one to shy away from a pretty shoe. Neither is Yammi. That's my girl! We are both sporting our new Kenneth Cole's on Easter Sunday ;-)

Below includes photos with cousin Anna on the slide and being silly with Aunt Cecca. Who can rock the Easter ham, by the way......

and Yamro...... she continues to amaze. We are watchful for any problems, but nothing so far. For this we are truly grateful. She is so easy to love and loves easily back.

A TB equation we just learned

2010-03-25T08:44:00.001-05:00

1 positive TB test + 1 clear chest xray in Ethiopia + 1 clear chest x-ray in the US = 9 months of preventive TB protocol.

We were not prepared for that.

The nasty giardia medication course is also complete. I don’t know how she tolerated that.

One more stool sample to collect this week.

We are really sick of that.

But seeing her get healthier by the day is worth it all.

We are still seeking medication for drama and whining. Any ideas welcome.

If not for the nuns.....

2010-03-24T12:23:00.005-05:00

The Catholic church pains my heart these days. My thoughts for quite some time......

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/21/opinion/21dowd.html

Do shoes drop?

2010-03-19T08:03:00.008-05:00

I am waiting for one to drop, I think. I wake at 4am most mornings wondering if today is the day something takes a bad turn for Yammi.

Is today the day she has enough English that she talks about her birth mom? Is today the day something she sees, smells, feels triggers something in her to mourn what she left behind? Maybe I am pushing her too quickly into pre-school and this will backfire. Maybe I am assuming way to much.

Because here is the thing. I can't seem to find anything wrong. And for a worrier like me (thanks mom), that is bothersome.

I have read loads of books. Memorized signs and signals to watch for. Waited to see them. Nothing.

I have read more books and blogs and articles. Nothing.

Do we have some whining? Yes. Do we have occasional clinginess? Yes. Does she have have giardia? Yes (thought I would throw that new development in there). Some days are bumpy and annoying. But not so different than before she arrived.

What we do have is a little girl who seems to embrace and accept each new challenge quickly and moves on. Exhibit A: rock climbing while spending her first weekend at her Aunt and Uncle's house. No sleep issues away from home. No fear of wearing a harness and being high up in the air (thanks Francesca!).

She plays quickly and easily with other children (of course, cousin Ava is as easy to play with as they come!).

She is open and affectionate with her family. No indiscriminate affection noted yet.

My friend Deanne noted that she gave up waiting for the other shoe to drop with her daughter. I can't wait until I am brave enough to do that.

Lest you paint me Pollyanna, I get what can still come down the road. Especially as her ability to communicate grows. But as we prepare for those days, it is such a blessing to have this smooth transition that helps us build a solid foundation for the future bumps ahead.

And I can't forget these other two rock climbers..... I could not get through my day without these two amazing boys to help keep Yammi happy and entertained. Nobody else is going to build a better house out of all my couch cushions and blankets than Harris and Nicholas. And nobody else is going to sneak candy to her as well as they do!

Daddy - so much I love you

2010-03-09T18:55:00.005-06:00

......rings throughout our house no less than 20 times per day. This is from the girl that refused to look at her dad the whole week in Ethiopia. Unless he was offering her a bonafide piece of candy, she would have nothing to do with him.

We fully expected that she would attach to one of us first. Attaching to mom makes sense. I would have done the same thing. But still. Mark is the fun dad - the best of dads. More patient that me. More energy than me. More creative than me. (I am looking bad here).

A breakthrough was made on the long (LONG) plane ride home. She took great joy in telling him that his beard was 'yucky'. They took off from there. She now seems more attached to daddy than me.

But that is okay. Because every little girl should have a father that calls her beautiful. That kisses her stinky feet. Who lovingly washes her hair. She never had that and now she does. It is the sweetest thing of all.

So much we love you, Yamro.

The girl can't take a bad picture....

2010-03-01T20:54:00.003-06:00

And as my sister has noted.... Mark is getting a taste of what worrying about having a daughter is like ;-)

She continues to delight us beyond measure. Though we are still 'passing' the parasites, they seem to be almost done wreaking havoc on her little body. Two major changes that this has brought on: the amount her tummy sticks out is greatly reduced and she no longer circles the food pantry looking for food. Those things were sucking it right on out of her.

She had a rough morning going to pre-school today. I think 4 days off put her out of a routine, which she seems to really need. We hope to ease in gently tomorrow with a promise for a visit to the swimming pool if she does well. I am not above bribery ;-)

Harris continues to be the amazing big brother we have always known him to be. Keeping her entertained and showing infinite patience with her. Nick is still struggling but we see some little improvements here and there. We need to continue to give him extra time... it is just so hard when you are tired all the time. I hope that changes soon.

We need spring.

Medical Uglies

2010-02-24T10:15:00.002-06:00

Oh boy has this been a 'fun' side of things post-adoption. Her teeth are a complete mess (mostly in back, thank goodness), internal parasites, toe fungus, warts. That is the ugly list. Nothing chronic. Nothing life threatening. For this we are truly grateful.

Ugly: Two warts on her knee which we are treating with OTC meds. Working well. Toe fungus we keep an eye on with possible meds if it does not clear up.

Uglier. Surgery for her teeth is scheduled for May 12th. This involves, extractions, crowns, caps, spacers, princess crowns all under general anesthesia due to the extent of work.

Ugliest: The internal parasites - specifically roundworm - are dying off thanks to the miracle of medication. It would be cruel of me to tell you what we occasionally find in the toilet. I will stop there. The good news - we are close to being out of the woods. I have occasional nightmares about this. Stool samples will have to be taken in the next few weeks to be sure they are all gone.
I can handle her surgery. I can barely handle this.

There you have it. Those of you preparing to bring home your children - be prepared for the medical side. It is time consuming.... and..... ummmmm..... gross.

The good: Pre-school continues to be a success! She continues to hug and kiss us with much exuberance which does my heart so good. Tantrums have been so much less - but the drama.... well, that continues! Seems to be a world-wide phenomenon. Girl drama in Africa is the same as girl drama in the U.S. In that respect, she seems to be spot on!

Preschool - Success! Mostly....

2010-02-18T09:23:00.006-06:00

An all around good first day at morning preschool/daycare. I lingered in the morning to make sure she was adjusting and engaging. She did wonderfully! The teacher told me that for the early pick up she became weepy as I was not there (I arrive for second pickup), but she was quickly consoled, ate her weight in snacks and lunch and was happy to see me at pickup. I must say, not overly happy, as she was busy in line talking to other little girls. I may have been more of an interruption at that point to her!

Again - she adapts. She adjusts. She is amazing.

However, the down side. She hit a huge wall around 3:30 when I said 'no' to a sucker. This is also when she gets tired, but does not nap. She started becoming very angry, hiding behind the couch, smacking her fists, things I had not seen before. She finally took a swipe at Nick when he walked by, I picked her up for her 'time-in' with me in the other room and a full blown melt down ensued.

I could see it coming and I was somewhat prepared for it. But it felt to me that we were hitting a communication wall. The first day of pre-school is big for any child. In her case, even bigger. And she can't tell me all about it..... this is where the frustration sets it. I get it, but it is hard to watch.

I sat with her for her 15 minute melt down and held her tight. She wanted to get away but I stuck with the time-in and watched her as she slowly calmed down. Tears subsided. And I gently talked to her about how proud we are of her. I also told her she had stinky feet - a huge smile spread across her face and she was back to her usual self.

As for me, after she scooted off to play happily, I allowed myself a 5 minute cry. It was harder than I imagined to watch her be so frustrated. To know that so much is going on in her head that wants to get out.

So we embark on our new routine and know that in time, following a solid structure and lots of nurturing will get us far. And time - lots of time.

That is the bad and the good of yesterday. We mostly have the good going on but need to embrace the bad to grow.

Photos of a new life

2010-02-17T10:40:00.007-06:00

Her first Happy Meal with cousin Ava. Loves the fries. No love for the burger.

At the library with Nick. Love this.

Adjusting

2010-02-16T20:28:00.012-06:00

So much I am trying to keep track of and so little time to do it. To those who have been harassing me for an update - voila!

Perhaps I read too much before Yamro's adoption. I did the whole 'prepare for the worst' sort of route. Learned what to watch for in attachment disorders, physical problems, behavioral issues, failure to thrive. Difficult stuff to stomach. But one of the reasons we chose adoption from Ethiopia was the seeming good transitions most of these children have. In her case, only spending 5 months in the orphanage while being with her mother before that.

If there is a good case scenario for adoption, she may be close.

Which brings me to my update.

She is a pure and utter delight.

Were the first couple of weeks hard? Yes, but mostly because I was scared and not really because of any bad behavior any other 4 year old would exhibit. She quickly responded to learning the house rules (mostly safety related at this point), called us mommy and daddy right away, played great with the boys, engaged with other little children as we stepped out in the big world.

Each day has continued to see improvements - she will randomly throw her arms around my neck and kiss me. She feels bad if she accidentally hurts someone. Has memorized the Brown Bear book, and sleeps all night from 8pm-7am.

Is the other shoe going to drop? Hard telling - but this amazing little girl seems to take each new day in stride.

Harris and Nicholas have mostly great days with her. A few days here and there you can see that all three of them are adjusting to their new roles. Nick seems to have to adjust the most. Going from the baby to the middle child is bound to be difficult. We are working hard to spend extra time with him. But to watch them all play with legos after dinner tonight, teaching Yammi how to piece together items.... wonderful.

We love her as if she has always been here.

And that is an amazing thing.

The scattered photos are from all points along our trip.

Coming up for air

2010-02-07T20:55:00.008-06:00

It is hard to know where to begin after returning from our great adventure to Ethiopia to bring home Yammi. Baby steps. Some photos from our one week stay. It was amazing. It was scary. It was the trip of a lifetime.

View from our 'balcony'.
Lunch at Layla house with the most amazing children!

Family photo - Yammi wouldn't acknowledge Mark yet, thus the pouty turning head!

The walk to the orphange. Rocky roads. Goats. Wonderfully kind people.

And in the end, she really is a daddy's girl.

More photos later.....

New photos of our sweet girl

2010-01-19T10:35:00.007-06:00

Yammi receiving her Christmas present from the staff at the orphanage. I think she likes it!

She is the one looking at the camera. Of course.

5 days to departure and these photos keep us going!

B. R. A. G.

2010-01-13T15:14:00.003-06:00

You were warned. Right up above there. brag.

Harris - Officially qualifies for the pre-algebra program starting next year in Junior High.

Nick - His ITBS testing shows his 'accellerated' nature (ha ha!!) scoring in the top 1%. He immediately starts the school district's extended learning program.

I can't stop smiling.

And I know that tomorrow they will annoy me greatly in some way.

It all evens out in the end.

Sunday snapshots

2010-01-10T20:55:00.012-06:00

Harris becomes our resident expert on Addis Ababa for our trip. He pours over the Lonely Planet guidebook and memorizes maps.

Nick worked on his new watercolor kit as a lovely winter light poured in through the windows today.

Yammi's room is starting to come together. I like that feeling.

Two weeks from today we leave.

I don't want to see this at the airport

2010-01-08T09:59:00.006-06:00

Seriously. It would scar me.

So I keep meaning to be caught up in my blog world, but I freeze up. My intent was to keep little bits of our day to day life on here so I don't forget them. I am an unreliable photographer. Have no talent in scrapbooking. But I like writing. You think I would get to it more often.

Here is the reality. My life is in warp speed. Then on some levels - it is moving by me as a slow motion picture. I am trying to step in the middle somewhere and get a grip on it all.

The BIG news. We travel to Addis leaving January 24 and returning the 31st. Cedar Rapids - Chicago - Frankfurt - Addis. Then in reverse. Tickets are about $1700 each. We also decided the money be damned, we have to take the boys. We will figure it all out later. Then my mother calls just as I am ready to pick up the phone and call her. Financial help is laid at our feet if we need it. Because that is how my parents roll. We are beyond grateful.

This brings me to a side note - and how I came to believe in something I heard Oprah say a long time ago. (GASP! I don't even like Oprah, but this stuck with me over the years). "The road will rise up to meet you". And it has. Mark and I do financially very well. And we do NOT take it for granted one single bit. At one time we were both unemployed, I was pregnant, and a house addition getting started. Enough said. But taking on an adoption is not a cheap prospect. What I can tell you is that every single time we have needed to make a big payment toward bringing Yammi home, the money has found its way into our pockets. Not through a lottery, not through a hand-out. Just through strange bits of fate that came back to us. Sometimes it gave me chills how odd it was. But not Mark - my perpetual ray of sunshine - he just expects it. That's what you get from someone who let's people cut in front of him while driving.

So we muddle through putting this trip together. Luckily this doesn't involve me needing anything other than a pair of tennis shoes, so packing will be a breeze!

I look forward to taking Harris and Nicholas. They are veteran travelers with a couple of trips to Europe and Mexico under their belt. Africa - well..... it will be an adventure and the trip of a lifetime. One in which I hope helps define them as they grow into young men. Men who know the other side of life. Men with compassion and love for the poor.

A mom can hope, right?

In the meantime, we move along in our routine. Gymnastics, fencing, piano. Chess in the evenings by the fire. We look forward to adding Yammi into this cozy fold.

Harris qualifies for pre-algebra testing (smart boy!) while Nick loudly proclaims he can already do pre-algebra. I tell him to zip it. He probably can do it, but he just is not one to be left behind by his older brother. I think a little sister will do him some good.

A mom can hope, right?

Next post will include photos. Less talk.

Waiting again

2009-12-31T10:02:00.002-06:00

We anxiously await a travel date to go over and pick up Yamrot. January 27th? February? It is a non-stop process of waiting - a complete relinquishment of control. Hard for someone like me. Lufthansa has the schedule we prefer for travel, so my fingers are crossed that we find out soon and can book the flights.

Hey - maybe we will get to do those new body scan systems going up in airports! Nothing like being virtually underessed in a large public place.... exciting stuff!

Yammi's room is starting to come together. I have a few clothes and a winter coat in her closet. I keep inspired by reading blogs by those who have already walked this path. It keeps me moving. So do the girls clothing section in every catalog I get ;-)

2010 - I am nervous and excited for what this year holds.

I have missed a lot of milestones here

2009-12-28T09:24:00.003-06:00

I turned 40. And I feel great about it! Really.

I hosted a dinner for my family and some friends at a downtown restaurant and still smile when I think about how wonderful the evening was. One little bonus of being an almost-Christmas baby is that everything is pretty darn festive around your birthday. No need for decorations, balloons, etc. So ambiance is always taken care of for me!

My home was full of wonderful friends after dinner and an entire army of kids down in my basement. I avoided that area, but my sisters tell me it was wild!

Christmas has come and gone with the usual bustle... and lately in Iowa... snow storms. This storm caused us a hurried trip to my parents along with a hurried trip home. Not really what I had in mind, but we have to improvise during the winter I suppose. I particularly loved Christmas eve. We had such a nice day lounging at home, playing games, enjoying the fire, cooking. The children's mass was crowded and sweet.

It goes without saying that the entire time I was thinking that Yammi will be with us next Christmas.

A possible travel date of January 27 looms. Or maybe February. We wait and see what they tell us. In the meantime, I am manic about trying to get things ready for her. I seem incapable of making a solid decision and worry over the dumbest things.

I keep needing to take deep breaths and calm down. This is where Mark lets me lean on him. He is calm and rational and everything I need during this very stressful time. Truly the man I was meant to marry.

Harris Robert

2009-12-17T09:44:00.002-06:00

He announced yesterday with all sincerity and honesty and earnestness that he wants to be a microbiologist. He wants a microscope and a bacteria farm.

Mark told him to look under the toilet if he wants a bacteria farm.

I think we should be more supportive.

We did buy him a microscope for Christmas, but alas, it is a pocket microscope. More along the lines of playing by the creek, seeing something interesting, and pulling this thing out to garner a closer look.

Harris is talking of more superior magnification.

He currently has $100 saved up in his wallet, so we think he can buy this superior microscope on his own and we will follow up with some other item to support is current career trajectory.

I don't think it will be the bacteria found under the toilet. MARK.

Regardless, I love his excitement for science. I can hope for nothing less than a bright future for this precious boy.

We passed court!!!

2009-12-10T10:49:00.004-06:00

One day early! Yamrot Seabold. Middle name TBD! We are so happy - and a gentle pause of joy has settled over our home. I was so touched to see the boys' genuine excitement when I told them. They continue to have ideas and things they hope to share with her. We are blessed beyond words. So I will work hard to put my other worries aside and focus on our tremendous blessing.

Dear blog,

2009-12-04T12:02:00.002-06:00

How have you been? I have been scared to post any updates due to some irrational voodoo jinx I think I may create. Makes perfect sense.

The court date of December 9th looms large and I am seeing a correlation between how much less sleep I am getting the closer that date arrives. I know that correlation does not equal causation, but I am pretty sure on this one.

I struggle with getting her room ready. Francesca was such a huge help in guiding me and my friend Kumi gently reminded me that her room does NOT have to be done. She can take part in picking some things out when she get here.

My other fear? What if she is difficult, naughty, has issues I can't begin to imagine. If you are thinking that I should have worried about this earlier.... I did. My perfect comeback is that when you are pregnant you do not know what the outcome will be either. True. But it kind of stinks when you are living it. It is no longer a rhetorical issue.

So I will nap today to shake of this looming yuckiness I feel, enjoy the fact that my husband is simply excited about the whole thing and thinks I am crazy, and keep on getting things ready for her.

I love my family who lets me lean in on them. And Francesca bought Yamrot a beautiful cuddle blanket this week during her visit. It is going with us to Africa so she can wrap herself up in it for comfort and soothing. I love it!

P.S. Dear Francesca. Your idea of Ava being a problem when she barely fusses is still making me laugh ;-)

Our sweet girl

2009-11-17T13:43:00.008-06:00

Words can't express how thrilled Mark and I were to find photos of her healthy and happy and oh so lovely! I can't keep these up for long, but wanted my friends and family to see her!

In this last photo that is her peeking over the other little girl's shoulder. Clearly we take any photos we can get! They are dressed for a party in their traditional Ethiopian dresses.

These cookies are DA BOMB!

2009-11-11T15:08:00.004-06:00

I have promised my friend Anne this recipe for months. It was put up or shut up time.

Here it is. I dare you to eat one.

I prefer 4 to 5 in a sitting. That is if I can grab them before the boys (smile)!

http://www.loveandoliveoil.com/2007/05/peanut-butter-oatmeal-chippers.html

Check out this web site while you are there. I have gathered lots of great recipes over the past few months.

Stopped in my tracks

2009-11-10T08:48:00.003-06:00

by this sight this morning.

The shoe on the left belongs to Harris. Age 12. Just turned 12.

The shoe on the right. Mine. Age 39. (Please disregard the state of these shoes. They are my slip on house shoes. Don't judge.)

The shoes on the left cost me $81.00. I am happy to bargain shop for clothing for these boys as they are hard on clothes, but refuse to bargain shop for shoes.

Those are man sized shoes worn by a tweenage boy. Somedays he is all grown up and somedays he is really just a little boy. An odd time to say the least. I have some vague memory of it but also know I wasn't 5'5" at age 12 and in men's sized shoes!

I have to steal hugs from him and not get too 'kissy' with him at night. He HATES that. So I kiss him anyway.

Reframing the debate

2009-11-06T15:24:00.008-06:00

Heavy on my mind lately and I work in health care; I hear the stories. My call has been made to my representative for tomorrow's vote. There - post justified.

The Hastings Center recently released a series of essays connecting values back to health care. I was so thrilled to hear this discussion on NPR today as I have been working on reading through these for a couple of weeks now. This is the core discussion that has to be had. Without a framework that stems from our values, solid and fundamental changes will never happen. Included are Liberty, Justice, Fairness, Quality, Integrity, Health, Stewardship. Fundamental American values lost in the screaming and illiterate signage held up at rallies.

This should be required reading for anyone before handing out a spoon fed slogan. There CAN be consensus on these core values and that is where it will be most successful. I wish our politicians would read these. I wish every voter would read these. And most of all, I want an elevated discussion that goes beyond a third grade level debate. In reading these essays, I find myself in agreement with some and diasagreement with others. But this is what I seek, an informed and rational thought process.

I am continually seeking better educated and more thorough sources of information. It is a challenge, but can be done. If you seek this, please start here:

http://www.thehastingscenter.org/Publications/Detail.aspx?id=3528

iPhone

2009-11-06T11:42:00.005-06:00

I love you. I am not sure how my life actually moved ahead without being able to check my e-mail while grocery shopping or watch You-Tube while waiting for the kids in the car.

And Facebook.... you are back in my line of sight. A glaring and unapproving line of sight at that. I am growing unstable over postings on song lyrics, divorce issues, bible quotes, and quizzes/games. I think I have been too liberal in my circle. I need to tighten up that noose.

Today is hard

2009-11-05T09:34:00.002-06:00

I am fairly good at keeping a lid on things. Today I have not been able to. I have been on the verge of tears on more than one occasion for no particular reason.

But I suppose I do know the reason. I think of her sweet face and today it has taken my breath away. I ache for her to have a family. I am am overwhelmed by what her mother had to give up. And I selfishly worry about what I need to do to prepare for her.

Mark is my solid and steady rock. He is building the wall for Harris's new room at warp speed. He keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. I have all of our shots started or scheduled. I need to start calling around to pre-schools.

Okay - I can do this. I just needed to dump some of this out here.

An evening in which

2009-11-02T20:07:00.005-06:00

Mr. and Mrs. Mark Seabold go out.

Babysitter hired.

Cocktails.

Wonderful friends.

New dress.

We must do that again soon. And find someone other than our kids to take pictures.

The Visa issue is cleared up

2009-10-27T14:43:00.001-05:00

Yamrot's adoption case moves forward to the courts! Can I be hopeful and say we pass court late next month?

Nix that. I will jinx my self.

Wow. A sentence with two 'x's in it. Strange.

Packing a gift bag for Yamrot

2009-10-22T15:36:00.016-05:00

A photo essay if you will. But they are bad photos. Taken with my iPhone. So.... I guess not really a true photo essay. How about a picture narrative:

"Boys", I say, "Make a card for your sister. And don't draw anything with weapons or scary animals or things shooting at each other". Because I am a mom of boys and I know their ways. I have to say things like that. Head down they went and started their project.

Harris made a beautiful card full of color and a cheerful message.

Nick made an odd card with the cryptic message: "Hope you get here safely". I take what I can get with this child. His heart is in the right place.

And in the end we have our package for Yamrot:

I wrung my hands over what to put in this bag. Other than knowing we had to send a t-shirt.... the rest was open for interpretation. Being the type of gal who likes to make a good first impression, I could not find anything good enough for her. I was horrified by the girls toy aisle at every store I went to. Poor thing, I kept thinking. Welcome to America.

But I finally just decided that she is 3 and a half. She has nothing in her possession. She will LOVE everything! (i hope).

So throwing caution to the wind, I bought whatever seemed remotely suitable and packable. We will include a dozen or so photos of us and our home and send it off tomorrow.

This is the fun part. We spend so much time chasing down paperwork and cruddy details that for once - I got to indulge in the fun part.

I also allowed myself to look at the girls section of the Boden catalog and quickly racked up about $500 in outfits I was prepared to buy for her. woah. A little too much fun!

Paper work shuffle and other thoughts

2009-10-19T16:32:00.004-05:00

I have been buried in paperwork for the next step of Yamrot's adoption. And, of course, have encountered a glitch in our visa process. It seems someone in the Immigration office in Des Moines did not send the needed paperwork to Washington, DC. So now I have to track that down. Guess what. YOU CANNOT CALL THEM. No phone number. Nothing. I had to e-mail them last week.

And guess what again. I am still waiting for a reply. Shocking.

The fun stuff. We are putting together a small bag of goodies for her. A t-shirt, a necklace the boys made that spells out her name, a cute little bag. I need to get a few more things. Once she receives this bag along with all the photos I will include, she knows she has a family waiting. I smile to think of it.

The boys. I just need to gush for one small moment. They are both doing amazing work in school; they are embracing the fact that they will have a little sister; Mark leaves town and Harris cooks dinner; long bike rides; lots of friends in and out; gorgeous fall days. We feel blessed.

Mom and dad come up tomorrow to watch Harris and Mark at fencing class. Mark's birthday Saturday along with the Museum of Art fundraiser (to which I bought a fabulous little black dress!). The daily ins and outs of the boys and their events. We are in a good groove.

I like it.

I didn't think I would ever say this

2009-10-12T21:40:00.006-05:00

but I think I have watched too much football this weekend. I am scaring myself. I think if somebody knocked on my door and offered to set up 3 to 4 big screen tv's in my home offering simultaneous HD broadcasts of all the weekend games..... I would unashamedly scream YES! MORE TVS! MORE FOOTBALL! And can I offer you a drink?

It is so bad that my boys laugh at the erectile dysfunction commercials; because every other ad during football season is pitching this stuff. Maybe not one of my prouder mom moments.

I could also just go to Buffalo Wild Wings and get the same effect. Nick loves it there anyway.

But to my credit, I also did some knitting, cooked a great meal (or 2) and cleaned my home. I can still juggle around football when my family is begging for a meal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamerot update: We are waiting for some more paperwork to sign with our agency and then will be putting together a small package for her that includes our family photos, small gifts, etc. I flow between excitement followed by a moment of fear followed by sadness for what her mother had to do followed by excitement. Repeat.

Talking with my lovely friend Sarah this evening truly helped me validate that it is okay to swing through these feelings.

And in the end, I stick with knowing anything worth having is never easy.

Yamarot ~

2009-10-09T14:48:00.002-05:00

with a silent 't', thank you very much!

In 4-5 months she will be ours.... and we are over the moon! Also, some what wordless. I don't even know what else to say about it. We can't share her picture publicly yet, but I will try and get her sweet photo out to family or just shoot me a message.

The morning blur

2009-10-07T09:59:00.008-05:00

which is perhaps not just related to our mornings. Everything has been a blur lately. But please notice this particular blur includes sweet Ava. She is the blurry thing with the binky in her mouth this morning.

The rest of our blurry last few days involves a visit from just about our favorite friends around, The Dougherty family, along with a surprise visit from my parents, a company picnic, and a current visit from my sister for a few days with Ava.

Let me just say we like this lady below - Julie. Mark pretty much worships the ground she walks on and I think she is pretty neat too. She is one of those rare people who you WANT to take over the conversation. I find the older I get, the more I find myself trying really hard to listen to many people who just like to hear themselves talk. I nod my head and try and find something else to do. Julie - she shares stories about life around her. Not her. Nothing is self-serving. Nothing is mean spirited. Nothing is boring. She is funny, smart, beautiful, and a saint for marrying one of our oldest friends. But we like him too.

They joined us for the Iowa game. That is a story in itself that I will skip over. Bottom line - in the end, it was great fun.

Adoption news - STILL WAITING! We need to get one minor detail clarified before saying the big YES. I just want to cross all my t's and dot all my i's. I am not going to let this one get away.....

World Peace and Froot Loops

2009-10-02T08:09:00.005-05:00

I had the honor of taking care of my niece Ava for her first overnight away from her mommy and daddy. I just want to say that this child is ridiculously easy to care for..... and cute. Here is proof. Please disregard the giant mound of Froot Loops. Nick had some. She wanted some. She got what she wanted.

An Auntie's prerogative.

GIVE ME MORE, she says. Okay, I say!

Now let me dork around with it for about 15 minutes. Okay, I say! (how can I say no?)

The one thing Nicholas and I learned that she does not like, not one single little tiny bit, is when we had to say 'No'. Then sweetness turned into darkness. The clouds rolled in and thunder ensued. Then I asked her if she wanted to go get some more Froot Loops.

She smiled, held my hand, and all was right with the world.

She is beyond delightful and we are all in love with her. She was a much wanted and long waited for baby. My little sister and her husband have much to be proud of in her.

So I am thinking.... perhaps Froot Loops is the solution this world needs. I am going to go get some.

Medical Reports look good!

2009-10-01T09:33:00.002-05:00

We have just one minor area to clarify regarding some of her measurements...... but really - I think it is a done deal in my heart!

Mark and I dropped the boys off at catechism class last night and headed out to Blackstone for some sliders and celebratory drinks. I don't think we are quite sure how to proceed after making this decision (thus the drinks), but I do know that we walk confidently in the steps of those who have gone this path before us (Hi Sarah and Deanne!).

I continue to covet the support of my family as they encourage us along the way. We could not have made this decision quite as easily without knowing the kind of people that surround us in our lives.

And to think she doesn't even know all the arms and love that awaits her.....

Tick tock

2009-09-30T11:20:00.002-05:00

A referral has been made to us. Her medical reports have been sent off to international adoption medicine specialists. We wait for their report.

See. I can write that all nice and calm. Every once in a while that whole 'mother' instinct thing kicks in and takes my breath away. But I am pretty good and pushing it back down.

For now.

Tweenage humor

2009-09-24T08:30:00.006-05:00

Mark and I both sat up with a start around the wee hour of 1am this morning. Spooky ghost noises and my glowing iPhone in the corner of the room.

For not the first time in recent memory. Harris sets a timer to go off on my phone at a horrible time of night with the creepiest ring tone he can find. Very funny. Ha Ha. I get the tween humor.

Not so funny - I could not fall back to sleep until 4am with the alarm going off at 5:30. Mark was back to sleep in under 5 minutes. Ugghhh.

On a brighter note - I found FIGS at the Co-op yesterday and could not have been more delighted if I had ran across a shoe sale at Dombys!

I washed these little jewels carefully.

Then sliced them open, stuffed with some mild, soft goat cheese and drizzled peppered honey all over them.

I am sure there are many words in the English language to sum up that experience. I choose DEVINE.

P.S. Our regular camera is missing. All these recent photos are with my iPhone which does not quite give me the look I want but it is all I have for now. Please excuse them.

Hey Mom!

2009-09-23T12:18:00.003-05:00

Thank you for getting my knitting all straightened out. It feels so good too knit those nice straight ribs again!

I await the cooking/knitting weekend once the weather turns with a football game thrown in for good measure.

Details

2009-09-17T11:08:00.007-05:00

The bedroom redo is pretty much done, but not quite. The house was photographed yesterday for the quartlery magazine 'Room' and I think it went well. Strange how my house seems to look better in a good photograph than in reality.

Details I am enjoying right now:

It's buckeye season. The boys keep me well stocked and I love to spread them around!

We bought our night tables for $5 (BOTH) at a local auction. I added a $7 knob from Anthropologie and it makes me smile.

The corn is tall and the boys had a blast running through the rows. It is beautiful.

Dinner I made the other night. Even the boys enjoyed it. All sorts of end of the season veggies with grilled chicken.

I need to think of pretty things. My car is dead and I refuse to put more money into it. Thus I need a new car. It is stressing me out. I hate the entire process.

Dear Facebook

2009-09-11T15:31:00.003-05:00

I almost deleted you today. Completely. Gone. Shoo.

Then when it came time to hit the button I could not.

I will try again soon.

Loose ends

2009-09-08T20:43:00.005-05:00

I am clear about the fact that I like everything in its place. Everything has a place and everything in its place and all that.

I may exude efficiency, organization, exemplary housekeeping and all that (ha!), but frequently find myself at loose ends lately. Something seems missing. I am trying to fill that void by cooking fabulous things for my family. I am starting up with my knitting again. I have discovered a truly wonderful blog that inspires me to keep the home fires burning (yarnstorm.blogs.com). Work provides my professional outlet (and a fab benefits packet). Yet I keep tapping my fingers. Somewhat listless.

Something is missing and I know what it is. She is out there somewhere and we don't know each other yet.

She doesn't know that there is a room that we hope to start preparing for her soon and that I think I have found magical wall paper for her.

She doesn't know that I have a big pile of wonderful quilts that are ready to tuck her into at night with a story and a song.

She doesn't know that there are two boys here ready and waiting to show her how to build with legos until she can't stand it for one more minute.

She doesn't know that there is a husband and father in this house who will crouch down to her level, scoop her up in his arms and whisk her away on a 'downtown adventure'.

She doesn't know that she has two aunts with more patience and love than some children even get from their own parents. A set of grandparents with open arms and generous souls.

But I think what is bothering me the most is that I don't know what awaits us. I think it is good. I know that I want whatever it is.

I also know that all good things, without a doubt, take time. The wait goes on.

I can't hear well today

2009-09-05T11:34:00.003-05:00

this is why.

Can you spot something red in my library?

2009-09-04T14:49:00.005-05:00

One cheap brass lamp from Menards = $25 (on clearance it was so ugly)
One can of red spray paint = $7.50
Three coats of paint and some minor swear words from Mark during installation later - my new light fixture for the library!

This is probably one of the easiest and most satisfying projects we have done in a long time.

Our secret garden - a la aunt Jen

2009-09-04T14:28:00.004-05:00

In a back corner of our yard, there exists a lovely little secret space. Hidden from view, some rocks around it. Sticks and plants galore. The boys have loved going back there over the last few years and creating little stick houses, farms etc. Harris, being the ripe old age of 12, mostly directs the activity these days. But Nick still relishes building tiny little buildings out of sticks and leaves and moss. I think aunt Jen taught them all this a few years ago when she was my go-to child care provider for the summer. That summer they made a fairy world in the back yard, created and filmed a short skit, made paper tree designs, and sent little secret letters to each other.

I think it stuck!

My sweet Harris turns 12

2009-09-03T16:29:00.003-05:00

Not possible. Yes possible. My sunshiney Harris is 12 today and we couldn't be prouder. Smart and tall and polite and (mostly) a wonderful older brother to Nick. Loves his cousins, holds doors open for other people, loves the music from Queen. I am liking the way he is turning out!

A family dinner tonight - steak sandwiches and apple turnovers for dessert. A friend party tomorrow night with pizza and smores. To nonna and nonno's on Sunday and Monday for another celebration with family. And more food.

We love you, Harris. Happy Birthday!

My Top 10 List Today

2009-08-20T21:18:00.006-05:00

1) "That is just so unexpecting". One of Nick's favorite phrases. I don't have the heart to correct him just yet.

2) School has started and I remained dry eyed at drop off.

3) One corner of my room is almost presentable. Things are bare right now, but I like the way things are SLOWLY coming together. A chunk of floor does need to be ripped out and replaced with pine. We are old hands at home reno, so we fully expected something to happen.

4) BEST. CUBS. GAME. EVER. They scored 17 points and the entire second inning was punctuated with stealth bombers and other war plane fly overs from the Chicago Air Show. I think the boys may have slightly wet their pants.

5) Nick orders 'Blueberry Lemonade with a double twist sugar daddy' while Harris asks for 'just water please' while out to eat. It's like I plucked them from two different universes.

6) The new Anthropologie catalog 7) My new sandals from Domby's 8) This cool weather

9) hmmmmmm.... ten is a lot

10) and dearest to my heart of all.... my mom is back after months in Italy tending to her dying mother and all that had to be dealt with after her death. I feel like I cheated as I went over in June to see her for a few days, but it still has been a long time. It all feels right now that she is here.

Never pick a paint color post partum

2009-08-13T15:44:00.005-05:00

Because that is what I did for my bedroom 8 years ago and have hated it ever since.

So since we didn't have enough going on in our lives (smile), I decided that Mark should redo our bedroom - That is one lucky guy.

Here is the first in progress photo. New paint color is up and the decision to rip out the carpet and stain the pine floors is made.

I am pretty sure I am in love with these old pine floors stained this dark ebony. The floor is full of some strange patches, etc, but I love the feel of it. I think with the rest of the room 'finished', the wonky floors will be charming. I hope.

A trip to Ikea is up for this weekend as well to get a new dresser, bedding, look at their bolts of fabrics so I can make a new headboard, some lighting, and curtains.

Change is good. That is what I keep muttering.